Only For You
by Bladed Darkness
Summary: She's my best friend, I shouldn't feel this way. Besides, there's no way I can compete with someone that famous. She doesn't even swing my way. I have no chance, so why even try? Because it'll hurt if I don't. One sided love, and femslash. Oneshot.


Title: Only For You

Summary: She's my best friend, I shouldn't feel this way. Besides, there's no way I can compete with someone that famous. She doesn't even swing my way. I have no chance, so why even try? Because it'll hurt if I don't. One sided love, and femslash. Oneshot.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana and Co.

Warning: This is a femslash/ yuri/ shoujo-ai, whatever you want to call it. That means a romantic/sexual relationship between two females if you didn't know. If that bothers you, I suggest you look elsewhere for whatever couple grabs your fancy instead.

* * *

When I became her best friend, I never expected to feel this way. Some people might say I had a sudden revelation; others would say I gradually fell in love with her. I like to think it was a little bit of both, that I always knew she was special in a dangerous way. It just took a sudden jolt to realize it.

I say she's dangerous because of the way she makes me feel. I would do things for her that normally would never cross my mind, and only for her. I've always cared about myself before anybody else, except for my family. Even friends sometimes felt my wrath if I didn't get what I wanted. She's felt that wrath more than she should have. Sometimes it was intentional, and sometimes I didn't mean to direct it her way. It just happened.

I lose control of my emotions when I'm around her. And as her best friend, I'm around her a lot. We haven't really been best friends that long. You hear stories of people being BFFs since Pre-K. We didn't meet then. It was much, much later. We'd already had some idea of who we were going to be when we met. But I wouldn't change it for anything . If we had met earlier, I might have changed her into someone like me, someone I couldn't love.

How did I realize I love her, you ask? That's where the jolt comes in. It took her having a relationship. Worst way to figure it out, huh? And I don't mean any relationship, I mean a serious one. She was actually in love, and it broke my heart. That forced me to figure out why I felt like I was bleeding constantly. It was affecting every single aspect of my life, and all because of her. I couldn't focus, and it showed. Everyone wondered what was wrong with me.

Sure, she was in an unconventional relationship, but happier than I had ever seen her. And how was I supposed to compete with her love? She was complemented perfectly, and it helped her career. A lot. I'm practically a nobody compared to where they are now in the fame department. They've even been voted one of the best (and most popular) couples in Hollywood.

My best friend may have been happy, but I wasn't. And I suffered for it. The usual people (my peers) didn't care what happened to me, and I faded into invisibility with them. The adults in my life were worried, but I had nothing to tell them. What could I tell them? That I was in love with my best friend? Their responses all would have been the same, to shake it off and find someone that was meant for me.

I couldn't admit it myself at first. It hurt too much to admit that I had fallen for her. Now it hurts to see her with someone else. I can't help but wonder if I ever would have realized it if she wasn't happy. Sometimes I wish I hadn't figured it out, but that would mean that she wasn't happy and in a healthy relationship. That's all I've ever wanted for her. Really. I guess my subconscious just always thought that I would be in that relationship with her and only her. That I would be the one to make her happy. That at the end of the day, and after we were through chasing those who were 'hot' or 'cute', we would be together. And happy.

I know, we are together, but not how I want us to be. Best friends are together, sure, but not _together._ We'll always have each other, but no more than we already have each other. It's almost impossible for us to get closer.

I know I have no chance. She isn't even interested, there's not a bisexual bone in her body. I remember her telling me herself. She's never felt that way, and doesn't think she ever will. She doesn't swing my way, yet I can't help but feel this undying affection and devotion to her. I've felt it only for her.

It hurts. And by that I mean, it _hurts._ Imagine the most painful thing you can think of, and multiply that by infinity. Yeah, that's right, that little sideways eight symbol is important for something, even if it's only for measuring my heartbreak.

It's funny. I'm not even seen as competition by her love. I can see it in those blue-green eyes of my competition's that almost but don't quite match mine. Mine are a little bluer. I like to think it's my way of expressing my sadness. Like I said, I can't be competition if I have no chance. And I have none.

It's supposed to be safe for her to hang out with me. Hah. If only they knew the thoughts I had, of snatching her wrist as she turns to leave one day and pulling her effortlessly to me. Those soft lips of hers upon mine would be the sweetest torture, because if I did such a thing it would make everything awkward between us, and I wouldn't be the trusted best friend anymore.

I sometimes wonder how she can't see what I feel. I think I'm blatantly transparent, the way I not-so subtly stare at her for hours while she's performing, from the shadowy corners of backstage. When she looks for me is the only time I approach her as she climbs off-stage. Because I'm always supposed to be right there with her, as a best friend should be. Every part of her entrances me when she's onstage, I couldn't function if she were to ask to me to come out there with her, and not because of stage fright. But she won't, because I can't sing. I feel no shame in admitting that because I'll confess it to her, and only her.

Anyways, today's the day. I've been fighting with myself for months, eight to be exact. Should I tell her? I feel if I don't I may never move on, although that may never happen anyway. Part of me wants to move on, but the other part wants to grasp this feeling and never let it go, even if it's felt for my best friend, and only for her. I've never felt this deeply before, and I don't want to go back to feeling shallow, empty, waiting for someone to catch my eye just because they're cute. I want that deeper connection that cuts into your soul and feeds it every single day you're alive, because you know there is no one more meant to be with you than the one you love.

Even if she's not mine.

I'm going to tell her. Why should I try? I think it'll hurt more if I don't. But if I truly wanted to make a move I would have done it when they were still on rocky ground, at the beginning of their relationship, as their personalities clashed as they tried to fit into each other's lives. Maybe I knew it even back then. Maybe I knew that I was never meant for her, and she was always meant for someone else.

As I ponder this thought I realize I may already have found the closure I was going to seek by telling her. And maybe it isn't as important to tell her now. If I've found what I was looking for, that closure, without telling her, maybe I shouldn't tell her. There would be no reason for me to tell her. I get the feeling it'll hurt for a little bit longer, but it won't sting as much.

Perhaps eight months from now these feelings will be completely gone. Now it's completely comforting to not tell her. She's happy, they're happy, and I'll be happy soon. Why rock the boat? Actually, I feel a little bit happy now. I can be happy she's happy! This is how a best friend should feel. She may not be mine, but I can be happy she has someone that loves her for who she is now.

"Jake?" It's that melodic voice, now not quite so melodic. Still beautiful, yes, but now I don't connect the same obsessive want with hearing it. She's looking at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, and I realize I haven't responded.

"Yeah, Mick?" I answer, eyes trailing down to where she clasps an equally female hand with her own. Somehow it doesn't hurt quite as much. It doesn't hurt that she will never love me as more than a best friend, because she can't. I feel relief in that.

"You kinda spaced out there for a minute. Everything okay?" I can see the worry in Mikayla's eyes, and I smile, knowing my best friend has always had my back.

"Yeah. Everything is." She returns my smile, God it nearly makes me melt, which is better than actually melting (only for her though). Maybe I'm improving. No, I know I am. I turn my attention to her girlfriend. "Hey Miles?" I'm a little hesitant addressing her, but who can blame me? She swept my best friend off her feet. And Mikayla has never been happier. I have every right to be wary of her, she never had that effect on me, even when we were dating.

Miley looks at me, cocking her head to the side, and motions with her free hand for me to go on, along with a little, "Yeah?"

"I was thinking all of us should get together sometime. You know, us three and Lilly and Oliver." She's looking me in the eye with those grey-blue-green eyes again, and for a second I wonder if she knows. If she's always known. Maybe she has. If she did it never affected how she interacted with me. It always affected how I acted around her though.

"I'd like that." Miley and Mikayla smile at me, and I know everything is going to be okay.

I, Jake Ryan, am completely at peace for the first time in eight months. Because I gave up this feeling of love, for her and only her. Well, maybe I gave it up for myself as well. But just a little bit.

* * *

I'm hoping that is not what you were expecting. I wanted people to think it was Lilly pining after Miley (who's dating Jake) when reading the summary. I may have said it was one-side love and femslash, but I didn't say they were one and the same. I was a little hesitant to write it because I didn't think I could make it believable. I hope I did. This is my first foray into first person writing, but not my first attempt at story-writing. I've always written stories. First story on here though, and first Hannah Montana.

The backstory (if it's necessary) is that Jake and Mikayla became best friends while filming their movie, and that Mikayla only pretended to like Jake. How Miley got together with Mikayla is something I'll keep a secret, maybe I'll write it sometime.

Please, leave a comment and express your opinion.

Signing off,

Blade


End file.
